Needing To Be Present (Pursuing Peace and Contentment)

I've had social media for around 10 years now, and I think some good things have come from it. I've been able to share my life and growth with people I love but don't often get to see. I've learned things, shared the gospel, made mistakes, but most of all I've learned a great deal about the struggles I face in my own heart and mind. 

 I've been off of social media for 4 days now and I really can't tell you the amount of peace it has brought to my life. 

I realized earlier this week that something was off with the way that I was responding to certain things I was seeing online. I was getting angry and things were affecting me for far too long. They were taking over my thoughts and dictating the amount of joy that I was feeling. 

You see, I've learned a lot over the past couple years about renewing my mind through the Truth of Christ and clinging to that. Of course I go through times of struggle with this and have to work a little harder to lean on the Lord, but recently it was becoming increasingly difficult. My heart was growing cold and angry at all the brokenness in the world and in God's people. 

When I realized this, God brought back a memory of what I learned doing a study of Genesis last year. I was about halfway through and confided in my husband that I was angry. I was struggling with how the Lord could let His chosen people walk in ways that were clearly not His. They lied and cheated, slept with women who were not their wives, which resulted in children from multiple mothers. I mean, God was with these people, speaking to and directing them. He could have told them at any time to do things a different way. So why didn't He?

I'll never forget how my husband responded. He said "You're missing the point. You're missing that the Bible is about a God who comes in and redeems all His people's mistakes and brokenness to make a name for Himself and bring glory to it." It's not about us. It's about Him. 

I think in my nature, I desire swift justice. I like things to be made right, and quickly. I desire for God's people to walk in freedom from sin and grasp the reality of who He is. I don't think this is entirely wrong, I mean who wouldn't want that. But what is wrong is my impatience. God is longsuffering in our weaknesses and slowness to learn. He uses all the circumstances in our lives to teach us who He is and, in turn, who we are because of Him. 

I'm so grateful that God didn't bring swift justice to me in all my years of rebellion, and then in my years of being saved but learning how to follow Him. 

He is patient.

He is gentle. 

He is slow to get angry. 

He redeems. 

He makes right.

He brings justice. 

He loves perfectly. 

I read an article the other day from Risen Motherhood, and something the writer said pierced directly to my heart. "To see God's people at their worst is to see God's love most clearly." Man am I glad that God sees my worst and still patiently loves me with a plan to teach me and grow me more and more into His image. I'm just seeing how much more I need His grace. To love. To teach and correct in love. To point people to Christ in kindness. And then it's His job to bring the growth and understanding. I think I just let my focus turn to the "wrongness of people" instead of the "rightness of God".

I guess I'm really saying all of this to say how much I need to be off of social media. I have a dear friend who just deleted hers, and so in some ways I'll be following her example. I don't think I'll delete mine just yet, if ever, but I'm going to keep the apps off of my phone for however long the Lord leads. 

The past few days I've felt anxiety lessen, thoughts of comparison decrease, and a desire to be more present with my family take root. That's what I want to pursue. I want to pursue Jesus in His example of living a life of peace and contentment, being fully present with what God is giving me day to day. 

I've realized just how much can be missed when social media is lingering in the background as a distraction. Maybe this isn't an issue for you, but I know it is for me. Maybe I need to grow in setting boundaries for myself and sticking to them. Maybe there are things in my heart that the Lord needs to work out. And that's okay, but I think for now, I'll let Him do those things in me while I remove the temptation to be pulled away. 

Be blessed, 

Courtney 💜